1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he was CRYING into my vagina
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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