i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Randomize
