I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
