Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
