I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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