we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
