i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
