Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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