It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
