Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
