oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
