Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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