i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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