Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
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Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
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Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
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