he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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