my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
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It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
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See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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