i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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