dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
