I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
