Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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