He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
