There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
