Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just want to make out with him forever
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
