Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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