Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You should frame my arrest warrant.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
