I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Randomize
