I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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