So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
