why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
