I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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