Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
there is glitter all over my balls
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