"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
