I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize