This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
