dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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