so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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