last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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