organizing the empties. That sober.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
