dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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