Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
