I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
