oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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