his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
