bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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