I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
