How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
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I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
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I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize