remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
