i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
