And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
