I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
