This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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