in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
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