Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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