The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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