he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
