hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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