I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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