Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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