your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
