oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
My pussy is not your playground.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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