I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Randomize
