I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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