I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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