Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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