When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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