**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
