everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
