How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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