Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
