If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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